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“Why Do I Need Help? He’s the One Who Caused the Problem!” And Why I Chose Recovery Anyway
“Why do I need to get help? He’s the one who made this mess!” Fair question. I’ve heard it asked many times, by others and by me. It’s natural to wonder that, especially if you’re rightly being told it’s not your fault, you didn’t cause it, and you can’t fix it. It’s not fair to…
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Old Photos
This post is a follow-up of an earlier post titled Lonely Memories. A few more memories have come up since then, and I wanted to talk about them here. Recently, while looking at old photos with my family, I looked at a few photos of myself, and I was transported back to the emotional pain…
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What I learned about forgiveness
Betrayal recovery has taught me a lot about forgiveness. It has challenged my previous assumptions about forgiveness, what it is, and what it isn’t. It has taught me a completely different way to forgive than what I was taught throughout my childhood. I know a lot about what forgiveness is not. It’s not reconciliation. It’s…
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How to Walk with a Betrayed Spouse Through Their Pain, Part 1
Have you just found out that a friend, family member, coworker, or any loved one in your life has been betrayed? Have you just found out that your closest girlfriend discovered her husband’s pornography use? Do you have a sibling who has dealing with something similar for a long time, and they’re at the end…
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The Bench
I passed her by on the path,and I heard it, a voicefrom that lowly, familiar bench,quietly calling my name.She said, “Remember that momentwe shared together?you said little to me,but you didn’t need to.You just cried alone, and fell apart—with only me to support you.You didn’t tell me why,but I already knew.In winter, I get few…
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Lonely Memories
I find it interesting that the most unassuming things can suddenly trigger the most vivid memories of my betrayal. That has happened to me multiple times this year. The Loneliness Recently on my way home, I drove past the old location where my church used to meet. It was only a split second that I…
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Advice for Teens About Pornography
For a while now, I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to start the conversation about pornography with my own children someday. I don’t even have kids yet, but it never hurts to be prepared! But in the meantime, in the event that a teen came up to me and asked me about pornography, this…
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The Mistress
This is the first and longest poem I’ve written about porn and betrayal. I wrote it roughly around 2017-2018. The MistressYour addiction is a mistressThat has occupied a room in your brain.A room meant for passion, intimacy, covenantal loveOh, how I long to be there with you.So I knock on the doorSeeking the one my…
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Book Review: I Want to Trust You, but I Don’t by Lysa TerKeurst
I have heard of Lysa TerKeurst here and there throughout my recovery. But when I first read about her life, I knew I had to review at least one of her books. She has written many, many books, but I Want to Trust You, But I Don’t really caught my eye because of the title….
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The Boundaries I Set
Part of my recovery work included setting boundaries with my husband. At first, the idea of boundaries seemed so foreign to me. No matter how many times it was explained to me, I was still like, “What are boundaries, how do I set them, and what kind of boundaries do I set?” Eventually it clicked….