***WARNING*** this post contains spoilers from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. If you haven’t read the books, what are you doing with your life? Come back when you’ve read the books!
I generally do not enjoy romance novels. They’re either too cliche, too shallow, or they have too much sex, usually all three. And I see no appeal in such things. And I have grown an especially strong disdain of romance novels after experiencing betrayal. Most romance novels, especially of the “erotic” type, often portray adultery and affairs and every possible way to betray another human being. Nauseating.
But recently I read the entire trilogy of Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. Quite an accomplishment for a librarian who struggles to find the time to read! And in that trilogy, buried under all the brutal battles, the Orc armies, the huge, creepy spiders, the “nasty hobbitses”, the songs and poems in the Elven tongue, and the destruction of the One Ring to Rule Them All, hides the most exquisite romance I have ever read in any kind of novel.
And it’s the romance between Lord Faramir of Gondor and Lady Éowyn of Rohan. Two supporting characters. So incredibly developed. Absolutely made for each other. To be clear, I only refer to the book versions of these characters. Unfortunately, even the extended film adaptations left out much of their courtship.
Once upon a time,
in the House of Healing, in the heart of Minas Tirith, Lord Faramir was recovering from the wounds he suffered in the battle of the Pelennor fields. And it was here that he met Lady Éowyn, who was also recovering from the wounds she sustained in the same battle.
Éowyn, however, was not content to be there, for she hates to sit idly by while war continues to rage around her. At this time, she was also very infatuated with Aragorn, son of Arathorn, or at least the idea she had of him. She wanted nothing more than to fight in the battles alongside Aragorn and her brother Éomer, make a name for herself as a warrior, and die a noble death in battle. She grieves that Aragorn does not return her affections, and refuses to let her join him in battle.
“Shall I always be chosen?’ she said bitterly. “Shall I always be left behind when the Riders depart, to mind the house while they win renown, and find food and beds when they return?” (Return of the King, pg 767)
Aragorn responds in this way:
“A time may come soon,” said he, “when none will return. Then there will be need of valour without renown, for none shall remember the deeds that are done in the last defence of your homes. Yet the deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” (pg 767)
So yes, Aragorn did tell her this. But it didn’t truly click for Éowyn until Faramir showed her.
Something about Faramir caught her eye at their first meeting. The first thing she noticed about him was that he, too, possesses a strength and valor that rivals hers, but of a different kind. It was more humble, more “gravely tender” as described in the book. He would not go back in the fight, unlike all the other men in her life, who would fight without hesitation. For this reason, Faramir stands out quite a bit in her eyes. Faramir was the next Steward of Gondor. He knew he could not return to battle, and not just because he was injured. As the Steward, he must prepare Gondor for the one that would eventually replace him, which was Aragorn. Not the most glamorous work, but extremely important and no less praiseworthy.
And Faramir was surprisingly perceptive when he first meets Éowyn. The first thing he notices about her is not actually her captivating beauty, but that she is filled with sorrow and unrest, even before he knows why. Upon learning more about her from Merry, from her epic victory over the evil Witch King of Angmar to her infatuation with Aragorn, he (rightly) calls her out on it, and follows it with the most tender expression of love for her:
“You desired to have the love of the Lord Aragorn. Because he was high and puissant, and you wished to have renown and glory and to be lifted far above the mean things that crawl on the earth. And as a great captain may to a young soldier he seemed to you admirable. For so he is, a lord among men, the greatest that now is. But when he gave you only understanding and pity, then you desired to have nothing, unless a brave death in battle. Look at me, Éowyn! . . . Do not scorn pity that is the gift of a gentle heart, Éowyn! But I do not offer you my pity. For you are a lady high and valiant and have yourself won renown that shall not be forgotten; and you are a lady beautiful, I deem, beyond even the words of the Elven-tongue to tell. And I love you. Once I pitied your sorrow. But now, were you sorrowless, without fear or any lack, were you the blissful Queen of Gondor, still I would love you. Éowyn, do you not love me?” (pg 943)
Deeply moved by this confession, Éowyn finally understands that the most noble deeds do not always require recognition. She can also do amazing things in more quieter, less showy ways, and still be just as valiant, like Aragorn said. In light of this, she decides that she no longer needs to pursue renown as a shieldmaiden or a warrior or even a queen. She discovers that there is a different kind of renown worth pursuing: the kind that heals, and preserves, and brings peace. And she realizes she wants that more than fighting in war.
So Éowyn returns Faramir’s love, and goes on to enjoy a long, blissfully happy marriage with him in Ithilien, where they make their lives together and start a garden, where all things will grow with joy.
“And he took her in his arms, and kissed her under the sunlit sky, and he cared not that they stood high upon the walls in the sight of many.” (pg 944)
Tolkien wrote a more beautiful love story in only half a chapter than entire romance stories have even attempted anywhere else.
And why is that?
Many Christian theologians have painstakingly dissected Lord of the Rings and its parallels to Christ and His coming. But few have ever observed this brief yet lovely romance between these two characters. It challenges traditional gender norms, offering an example of a bold, headstrong woman who does not hesitate to fight in battle, and a man equally strong and valiant who only fights when he must, but is also humble, sensitive, vulnerable, and kind, which is its own kind of strength. And their relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and adoration for each other. And this example shows that such people can have a marriage just as beautiful, vibrant, and godly as the marriage that observes more traditional norms.
When Faramir learns of how valiantly Éowyn has fought in the battle, he has only the highest level of respect for her. He recognizes that her strength and valor and bravery rivals his own. Yet by no means is he intimidated or threatened by her. He sees her as his equal! Faramir sees not only her accomplishments, but actually sees HER! And adores her for it! He is a wise leader and a Steward of Gondor. He loves music and lore. He grieves over the death of his father and his brother Boromir. He deeply loves Éowyn for who she is, and he’s not ashamed of it! Faramir is a perfect balance of strength, courage, bravery, wisdom, and steadiness, mixed with kindness, vulnerability, sensitivity, and high emotional intelligence. Seldom do I see this combination of qualities in men outside of Middle Earth.
And he balances out Éowyn’s stubborness, impatience, and boldness. Éowyn is skilled in swordfighting, weaponry, and horseback riding. She’s not a damsel-in-distress often found in other fantasy novels. She can hold her own and does not wait for orders to submit to. She realizes that her infatuation for Aragorn wasn’t as real as her love for Faramir.
This is a kind of love that all Christians should have toward one another, with or without marriage. Men should have the strength and valor of Faramir, and also be kind, gentle, and vulnerable in the ways they love the women in their lives. Women too should possess the same strength and valor of Éowyn. They too should feel an obligation to fight in the trenches right alongside the men in their lives, rather than sit idly by and let them do all the work!
So men, in a world that tells you to gird up your loins and fight the culture war or whatever, in a world that simultaneously punishes you for even having emotions,
Be courageous. Be vulnerable. Be a Faramir.
And women, in whatever world you find yourself in that tells you that your only place in the world is in the home, not fighting alongside the men for what’s right,
Leave a Reply