A Complete Timeline of My Story (so far)

This is a living document. It will be updated as time passes and my story continues.

• September/October 2015: My husband and I meet for the first time. I met him when he was hired at the same preschool where I was working at the time. (That’s why we like to call ourselves “Preschool Sweethearts”!) We were both teacher assistants, in separate classes right next door to each other. We had our first conversations with each other in the short moments filling the bleach bottles and water coolers in the morning and watching the littles on the playground.
• January 2016: We began dating.
• April 2017: D-Day number one. I don’t quite remember the exact day, but I know it was in this month and this year. On the day when I thought we were going on a date riding bikes around the neighborhood, he suddenly sits me down in front of his home and confessed to me his struggles with pornography use dating back to his middle school years. In spite of the shock and bewilderment I was feeling in that moment, I tried to look like I was fine. And supportive. I “forgave” him in the moment and prayed with him. We still rode bikes together that sunny afternoon, but I felt like the whole day was ruined. The only thing I truly wanted to do was run away and have a panic attack.
• Late that Summer, 2017: I began attending Celebrate Recovery. During the first meeting, the leader recommended I join the group specifically for betrayed spouses. This group was called Betrayal & Beyond, and they used the material published by Pure Desire Ministries. This is where I first met women who have been through the same things I am going through. They were the first people I have confided in. They were my sounding board and gave me the space to heal and process without judgement.
• September 28, 2019: We got married, with me thinking that we have now worked through those problems, the worst was over, and it’s all behind us.
• September 30, 2019: My Grandpa passed away at 84.
• July 2020: My Uncle passed away.
• February 21, 2021: My dad passed away. By far the biggest blow of this sequence of deaths in my family.
• June 2022: We move to a new state.
• June 21, 2022: D-Day number two. This was by far the most devastating blow to me because this was the first relapse I have discovered in the history of our relationship. My husband did not confess this one to me. They way I found out was when I discovered this app on my husband’s iPad that was counting days since he relapsed. The count was only two days. I confronted him and asked why this says only two days. He sheepishly confirmed that he relapsed into porn consumption only two days before. This meant that his porn use is not, in fact, behind us, like I thought it was before we married. His porn problems were still with us, alive and well, and followed us into the marriage. This was when I completely lost my marbles. I suddenly had a strong desire to destroy that iPad completely. I threw it on the ground, and when it didn’t break, I took a kitchen knife and began scratching the back of it. And not knowing what else to do with myself, I left home to blow off steam by walking around the neighborhood.
• Later that night, June 21, 2022: My husband actually allowed me to finish destroying the iPad, and I did it with tears in my eyes. He sat there on the floor right next to me, watching me as I took out all my anger on this electronic device, as if it was the one that caused all our problems. I wasn’t rational that night. I wasn’t myself that night. I couldn’t recognize myself. I think I lost a part of myself that night. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get it back.
• Between July-September 2022: Started a Celebrate Recovery (CR) step study.
• November 2022: Began attending my second Pure Desire group for betrayed spouses. This group and the CR group were lifelines for me during this time.
• August 2023: I started my own Pure Desire group. I felt a burden to help others walk through this difficult journey. Unfortunately, the group ended early due to lack of attendees.
• January 2024-present: Still attending drop-in groups here and there, just for “general recovery maintenance” and to keep in touch with amazing people I’ve met in these groups.
• January 2025: I started this blog. Still feeling called to share my story, to encourage others in their long walk to recovery. And feeling like I also need some kind of writing outlet.